Monday, June 12, 2006

How close do I REALLY want to be ? That IS the question.

Intimacy with God... How bad do I really want it?

I was waiting for dinner ( veggie curry chicken and steamed veggie dumplings yummy) and I decided to just open up the book The Purpose Driven Life by Pastor Rick Warren . Deciding that since today is the 12th I would read day 12. Well as I should have expected God in the way only He can do must have figured I got to get this child anyway I can ..hit me with a discussion on intimacy with Him.

You are are close to God as you want to be says the good Pastor Rick. That statement seems to be my struggle of late. I have a lukewarm attitude when It comes to my relationship with my God and I'm not happy about it but I am not consistent in rectifying the dilemma. Crazy sounding I know . I preach , teach , pray and intercede for others but my own relationship is catatonic...And it is no fault of Gods . It's all me , BUT because He loves me so I feel the pull to come closer , to get deeper and to stop playing with Him. Is it fear of what He is fully calling me to? Is it laziness? Is it sin ? Is it my flesh screaming let me live and not die? What is it that make me so indifferent at one moment and so excited to be in His presence and feel His touch the next moment?

Lord I long for consistency, a converted heart and in the words of Pastor Susie Owens a do right mind. Lord Create in me a clean heart and renew the right spirit within. Transform me into the woman of God you would have me to be .

I can fool some of the people some of the time BUT you know and see everything.

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