Monday, June 19, 2006

Fathers , Family ..Continued

After reading my post, my sister thinks I need counseling ..LOL funny thing is I knew that she would say that . I have had counseling in the past ( twice matter of fact ) and don't think that I need it right now , but I took her words in love *muah*. She did say that maybe the reason I don't feel like I need counseling now is because I am grown and don't have to put up with the foolishness anymore. To that I said "sure you right !" I am no longer the frightened girl but a grown woman and there are some things that I don't or won't tolerate anymore. Then the prophetess said but you are still carrying all of that around with you ....hmmmm.....dang I hate her sometimes:)

Parents scar children ... and the effects can be life long. I had a thought last night ..What do my kids really think about me . How do they feel about me as a mom ? have I scarred them the way my dad has me? Is there anyway to right past wrongs , then heal and move on?
When I think about my Mom and Dad's relationship (as I said yesterday) I have no idea why she didn't hit him over the head with a bat , give him a de-con burger or somethin ...Years of craziness , just don't understand BUT she stuck it out and now it's as if they are teens again . They go out together ( not often mind you but they do) .. To the movies, the casino, fishing... And things have changed. My mom still takes a lot BUT when she has had it , she's had it. She'll cuss back at that joka , tell him she can make it without him and go hang out with the golden girls (her friends). My mom has taken care of my dad through a heart attack , stroke and cancer and HE knows that He needs her more than she needs him. The sad thing is it took all these years of marriage for him to appreciate what he has.

Same thing with me and my sister. My parents have never had to bail us out ( well almost but that's another story but I will say it would have been self defense ) , never done drugs, both college educated, good jobs and over all decent citizens ( although I do have a lead foot) . It has only been within the last few years that my father has expressed how proud he is of us , not that he wasn't before I just think it that he knew he really didn't invest in us and that my mom did most of the work, but he still takes pride in the results.

I realized that I may have sounded cold and hard in my last post . I had no intention on being so ..the words just came ..a cathartic if you will . I don't regret or take back anything because as my saying for 2006 says "It is what it is" or "it gonna be what it is". But I do love my dad because he is in fact my dad. Rick Warren makes a statement in his book "The Purpose Driven Life" which says that God chose your parents because they had the exact genetic make up to make you ...So if that is true God knew what he was doing when He allowed my mom and dad to come together ..So that I could be born... satan meant it for evil but God meant it for good. God's plan was not for the craziness but it was for me! His daughter and mouthpiece. So in that I can say thank you to my mom and dad.

When I look back over my life I can see areas in which my Dad positively impacted me. They are as follows:

#1 Protection and Jumping out a airplanes:
My dad was in the 82 Airborne Division of the Army and was trained to fight and jump out of planes. Since my brother lived outside the home ( enough said) that left all the military training to my sister and I . We were instructed in the ways to kill an intruder( shoot them and then drag them back on your property so it can be self defense) , to stop a would be attacker ( go for the eyes and jugular , take no prisoner , take no names) and last but certainly not least how to jump out of an airplane ( with a parachute). I feel confident that IF a plane was going down AND I had a parachute available I could survive the jump. ....Check static line , been my knees, jump and roll when I hit the ground. Prayerfully I'll never have to test the waters.

#2 The Art of Cussin..
My father is bilingual , Cussin is his first language and English is his second. As a child we were called names that I don't even think are "real" cuss words. My sister and I used to say ..:What did he just call you ..He must have just made that up" . My sister and I also inherited the cussin gene. For me it was a form of protection because being petite my mouth kept me from a lot of beat downs a) I guess folks figure I f I could cuss like that maybe I could back it up and b) everyone knew my dad was crazy so the were afraid of him. In any case I could cuss you out as fast as look at you IF you messed with me , But praise God my mouth is now Holy unto the Lord and my days of cussin people out are long gone.

#3 My love for Music and reading..

My dad is a avid reader and lover of music. I grew up listening to non-tradition "black folk " music . Elton John, The Eagles, Doobie Brothers, Chicago plus others wafted through our house on the regular along with Jazz. My dad is a Jazz freak!! So I have a rich musical appreciation that can only come from my father. My dad is also a musician taking up the guitar when he was 51 beaus he LOVES!!!! Wes Montgomery . I swear he would have been a STAN ( Stalker + Fan = Stan ) . My dad had the privilege of having wes over to our home when he was in town in 1967 . He has a picture with Wes , my parents and me, well not me exactly just signs of me my mom was pregnant with me at the time of the picture :).

My father is also a reader . He is a walking text book on any war that you can think of and the miliarty . He does not read fluff. If I ever get on "Who wants to be a millionaire " he will be one of my life lines ( along with my youngest son ). My dad read so much that he ran up my library card with fines( after he ran up his own ) so thank God I got married and had a new last name or I still wouldn't be able to get books from the library here...

So you see there are some positives ( I haven't even dealt with my dad's family ..Would take a book ) but there has been more pain then positive. In the words of the Prophet Kirk Franklin .. The pain was preparation for my destiny ...

May deal with more at a later time , my not ...What the heck it's my blog andI can do what I want ...


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