Saturday, June 24, 2006

Reminiscing ...The week in review

God's favor is more precious than life ...

This week was very eventful. I had my gallbladder removed on Monday , Online job hunting through the week, Phone contact with a possible employers on Thursday ,my son's graduation yesterday and I preached and sang at church today... blow by blow details to follow.

I went under the knife:
I'm tired but feel great . The pain is minimal and I was looking sharp (qq n' Brown) in my cute new skirt ( oh I forgot to put that in the list above..Shopping on Thursday ). The favor of God has been with me and for that I give Him praise. He kept me while I was under anesthesia ..Anything could have happened but it didn't. It was truly a wonderful experience from the IV to the discharge home . Everyone gave great care.

You gotta u-haul I can borrow?
With my upcoming move I have been trying to search out possible employment prospects. Sista girl has a list of won't do's : I won't work nights holidays or weekends. there is no compromising for me . I have worked as a nurse for eleven years and have a wealth of knowledge which allows me to be choosy and I shall . I have found a few things online that look good and I should know more as I visit this coming week.

The nest is almost empty: Calling some handsome man to get the blender , ice and virgin pina colada mix ready :)

Lord I would take a lap around blog land but my belly hurts to much .. Robert graduated !!!! Amen ! God is good and faithful.That leaves only one more to go then I am FREE!!!!!!
Robert begins college life at the end of August and is already talkin about he needs a car ... look at your neighbor and say NOT!
My relationship has been rocky with this child for a while now , but I can say that I was so very proud of him yesterday .The hand of the Lord is on him so I know he will turn out just fine ( as long as I can live through the process

Sabbath Celebration :
This week marks the beginning of Camp meeting , that time when people come from far and near to worship God together under a tent :). I told my pastor that I would be willing to preach IF I felt up to it on Sabbath ( today ) because he would be away at camp. I am so glad that I offered because we had a glorious time . There were only two people at church when I arrived with two visitors coming in behind me. We then had two more people ( visitors also) come , along with 5-6 regulars so all in all there were about 10-11 folks.

We had no one to play the organ or piano ( they were at camp) . I sang a song I had never sung before and I KNOW I was off key near the end , but folks said it was great ( looking confused they were probably tone deaf . I shared a word from a previous post ( see early morning revelations) and the people said they were blessed. This was a no frills service but it was so nice . We sang the hymns with all our might... Some on key some off , we changed up the program and did a lot of reading from the WORD! Just great. People even hung around talking afterwards.

The Lord showed that in the words of Elder Derandell Ford says " Don't no one monkey stop the show " We went on and praised God on purpose and were blessed. One of the visitors said that they were in town visiting and decided to stop for worship when they saw the church doors open . Praise God that we didn't decided to close for the day.

Day is dying in the west :
the sun has sent and a new week has begun . As I close I leave a word from Isaiah 40:9-11,26-31

walking away to take a darvocet ...God Bless *muah*

Thursday, June 22, 2006

A Word from the Levities

I have been blessed with a wonderful cyber familiy . This post is from Karen aka Lady Levite . It touched me so I decided to share .

IIChron 29:11 (The Message)
God has chosen you to take your place before Him. to serve in conducting and leading worship.--this is your life's work--do it and do it well.
I was then led to Psalm 137:1-4 and I wrote the following:

How can we sing the songs of the Lord in a strange land? But the question for me is...How can we NOT. If we know we have been chosen, called out, selected to minister to the people through the arts: singing, dancing, speaking or enhancing the delivery of th emessage through sound and visual aids, we need to do that and not be afraid of how we will be received.

The strange land: My ministry expands beyond the walls of the church and the church folk don't understand nor receive it.

The strange land: The manner in which I minister is considered non traditional.

The strange land: The atmosphere needs to be prepared for the Word to go forth.

The strange land: I don't wanna walk in my calling today. I'm tired and I wanna go home.

My two cents:

I have always wonder how we could NOT sing in a strange land too. As people of God we are called to give a praise ,a testimony at all times and to work in our anointing . So instead of saying how can we as if we can't because of those around us let us say as Karen and I have said How can we NOT!

Create in me a clean heart Oh God .....

Been reading Juanita's book again "Matters of the heart" . I need to be converted. Changed from the inside out .

Wednesday, June 21, 2006


In the words of the old timers there comes a time when you have to piss or get off the pot and that is where I am in life right now. There are some relationships that need to come to a end ( for real )because they are futile. I will not be manipulated nor be a crutch for anyone.

Emotional support is one thing but when you are giving continually and the person has ulterior motives then "Houston we have a problem"

Self revelation: I woke up this morning realizing that although I have been "available " emotionally to someone who is in a hard place right now,the time has come for me to exit stage right and allow God to do His perfect work in this person.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Fathers , Family ..Continued

After reading my post, my sister thinks I need counseling ..LOL funny thing is I knew that she would say that . I have had counseling in the past ( twice matter of fact ) and don't think that I need it right now , but I took her words in love *muah*. She did say that maybe the reason I don't feel like I need counseling now is because I am grown and don't have to put up with the foolishness anymore. To that I said "sure you right !" I am no longer the frightened girl but a grown woman and there are some things that I don't or won't tolerate anymore. Then the prophetess said but you are still carrying all of that around with you ....hmmmm.....dang I hate her sometimes:)

Parents scar children ... and the effects can be life long. I had a thought last night ..What do my kids really think about me . How do they feel about me as a mom ? have I scarred them the way my dad has me? Is there anyway to right past wrongs , then heal and move on?
When I think about my Mom and Dad's relationship (as I said yesterday) I have no idea why she didn't hit him over the head with a bat , give him a de-con burger or somethin ...Years of craziness , just don't understand BUT she stuck it out and now it's as if they are teens again . They go out together ( not often mind you but they do) .. To the movies, the casino, fishing... And things have changed. My mom still takes a lot BUT when she has had it , she's had it. She'll cuss back at that joka , tell him she can make it without him and go hang out with the golden girls (her friends). My mom has taken care of my dad through a heart attack , stroke and cancer and HE knows that He needs her more than she needs him. The sad thing is it took all these years of marriage for him to appreciate what he has.

Same thing with me and my sister. My parents have never had to bail us out ( well almost but that's another story but I will say it would have been self defense ) , never done drugs, both college educated, good jobs and over all decent citizens ( although I do have a lead foot) . It has only been within the last few years that my father has expressed how proud he is of us , not that he wasn't before I just think it that he knew he really didn't invest in us and that my mom did most of the work, but he still takes pride in the results.

I realized that I may have sounded cold and hard in my last post . I had no intention on being so ..the words just came ..a cathartic if you will . I don't regret or take back anything because as my saying for 2006 says "It is what it is" or "it gonna be what it is". But I do love my dad because he is in fact my dad. Rick Warren makes a statement in his book "The Purpose Driven Life" which says that God chose your parents because they had the exact genetic make up to make you ...So if that is true God knew what he was doing when He allowed my mom and dad to come together ..So that I could be born... satan meant it for evil but God meant it for good. God's plan was not for the craziness but it was for me! His daughter and mouthpiece. So in that I can say thank you to my mom and dad.

When I look back over my life I can see areas in which my Dad positively impacted me. They are as follows:

#1 Protection and Jumping out a airplanes:
My dad was in the 82 Airborne Division of the Army and was trained to fight and jump out of planes. Since my brother lived outside the home ( enough said) that left all the military training to my sister and I . We were instructed in the ways to kill an intruder( shoot them and then drag them back on your property so it can be self defense) , to stop a would be attacker ( go for the eyes and jugular , take no prisoner , take no names) and last but certainly not least how to jump out of an airplane ( with a parachute). I feel confident that IF a plane was going down AND I had a parachute available I could survive the jump. ....Check static line , been my knees, jump and roll when I hit the ground. Prayerfully I'll never have to test the waters.

#2 The Art of Cussin..
My father is bilingual , Cussin is his first language and English is his second. As a child we were called names that I don't even think are "real" cuss words. My sister and I used to say ..:What did he just call you ..He must have just made that up" . My sister and I also inherited the cussin gene. For me it was a form of protection because being petite my mouth kept me from a lot of beat downs a) I guess folks figure I f I could cuss like that maybe I could back it up and b) everyone knew my dad was crazy so the were afraid of him. In any case I could cuss you out as fast as look at you IF you messed with me , But praise God my mouth is now Holy unto the Lord and my days of cussin people out are long gone.

#3 My love for Music and reading..

My dad is a avid reader and lover of music. I grew up listening to non-tradition "black folk " music . Elton John, The Eagles, Doobie Brothers, Chicago plus others wafted through our house on the regular along with Jazz. My dad is a Jazz freak!! So I have a rich musical appreciation that can only come from my father. My dad is also a musician taking up the guitar when he was 51 beaus he LOVES!!!! Wes Montgomery . I swear he would have been a STAN ( Stalker + Fan = Stan ) . My dad had the privilege of having wes over to our home when he was in town in 1967 . He has a picture with Wes , my parents and me, well not me exactly just signs of me my mom was pregnant with me at the time of the picture :).

My father is also a reader . He is a walking text book on any war that you can think of and the miliarty . He does not read fluff. If I ever get on "Who wants to be a millionaire " he will be one of my life lines ( along with my youngest son ). My dad read so much that he ran up my library card with fines( after he ran up his own ) so thank God I got married and had a new last name or I still wouldn't be able to get books from the library here...

So you see there are some positives ( I haven't even dealt with my dad's family ..Would take a book ) but there has been more pain then positive. In the words of the Prophet Kirk Franklin .. The pain was preparation for my destiny ...

May deal with more at a later time , my not ...What the heck it's my blog andI can do what I want ...

Sunday, June 18, 2006


I wasn't going to post today but decided that I would deal with my feeling about my father. This post will be very honest and intense SO if you feel the need to judge please move on to the next blog..much love **muah** ( that's a cyber kiss) .

My father has been the cause of much of the misery in my family's life. My dad is an alcoholic , verbally abuse at times , used to beat my mom on the regular ( until my sister , mom and I beat the crap out of him) and just was a poor example of a man /father/husband . For year I wished and prayed that my mom would divorce him because I could see no reason why anyone in their right mind would stay in a situation like ours. My mom worked her tail off keep us together as a family , making sure that bills got paid, our needs were met and the like , all while my dad would drink up his paycheck and pull snakes ( staying away for a whole weekend). I used to hate holidays ..And to be honest I still do because my father ruined everyone with his drinking . November through December were just hard for us . Times when families should be happy we were always stressed out ..Or maybe it was just me .....

The media, church and other areas of influence stress that for healthy families the dad needs to be present , I beg to differ . If the man is poisonous to the family he can get to steppin . Girls need fathers who can show them their worth and protect them. Boys need dad's who can show them how to be a man , care for a family and properly love a woman. When Dad is not capable of doing this or when he is a negative influence as opposed to a positive one I wonder what is the benefit of him being there? I know I sound jaded but it is what it is. My dad was not there for me even though he was in our house. How could he tell me what to look out for when he was exhibiting the same behaviors towards my mom. Pot calling the kettle black to say the least.

Fathers day:
I always find it hard to find appropriate cards for father's day because Hallmark really doesn't make one which fits ..So we ( my sister and I ) always resort to the funny cards. Those "Oh you were the best dad " cards are not an option ... and that in it's self is sad . Can't even buy a dang blast card with out a struggle. We read through the myriad of card to find one that will fit ..Why ? Because despite all the crap we have been through we still love our father.
I still love him because I realize that he is just a man who does not know Jesus . I love him because although he wasn't what I wanted or needed as a father , I know that he would pop a cap in someone who was trying to hurt me or my children. I love him because although he failed his children ,he in his own way is trying to make up for it through his grandchildren. I love him because he's my father. Oh the complexities of family.

to be continued.........